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Coil of Titanium Recovered, "E" Returns from the "Dark" Side, FUBARHQ Moves and "Atomic Puppy" breaks 50,000 downloads!


The Ever-Powerful "Coil of Titanium" and Jeff "E" Lusive back from the "Dark" the Side (circa mid-2007)


       Hello Fubarians,  How are you my fine compadres?  We must first apologize for the delay here at the good 'ole FNC (never had those before - "Sure Dave, whatever you say... - Hey! ?:+@# you Jeff, you're fired!"). Anyway as we were just apologizing to our massive fan base (we love all 23 of you) we would like to just take this opportunity to thank you for your loyalty and dedication over the past seven years and hope you continue to frequent our fine little establishment (except for Jeff, he's fired! - Pay attention people, there's a quiz later.?)

       So what's been happening in bizarro, 'er we mean FUBAR World?  Well, funny you should ask.  It appears that the Debacle over the kidnapping of the Coil Of Titanium (source of all things powerful and good) is over as the Coil has been successfully rescued from the clutches of the nefarious kidnappers.  Jeff "I'm firEd" who had gone "Dark" recently resurfaced with the Coil just a few weeks ago.  Apparently, he spear-headed an operation, appropriately named "Get my @#*!? Coil Of Titanium Back or I'll kill someone" that was successful in the retrieval of the Coil.  When asked at a purely fictitious press conference staffed by imaginary reporters and completely made-up, Jeff had this to say, "What did I get fired for?  Dammit, there goes my 401K!". We didn't have the heart to tell him we've been siphoning off the top for years now and it made little difference to the 401Ks actual value (Ha Ha, suckers!).  There has been much speculation that Jeff "I'm so lonely for companionship" orchestrated the kidnapping of the Coil in a desperate attempt to garner popularity for his upcoming run against Dave in the FUBAR primaries this fall.  "Well he's fired now, so he's ineligible to run anyway!" was the Cyber Kid's response to the allegations.  I'm sure we haven't seen or heard the last of this story!?...  ("Please, no more...  Hey!  Who said that?  You're fired too!)

       So, on to other news, The Cyber Kid had to undertake the monumental task of moving the FUBARHQ!  That's correct folks, not a typo, move the HQ!  For those few fortunate souls that have actually seen the FUBARHQ (after careful precautions were taken not to reveal it's true location - you know, prepaid cell-phones, blindfolding, all that good stuff!?) you know how crazy that task actually seems.  But, with the help of one very loyal (his mental judgment is still in question) FUBAR fan, the Cyber Kid and his lackey, working tirelessly (and in need of many BEvERages) disassembled and reassembled the FUBARHQ in a mere 16 hours.  Losing just a mere 1.5litres of sweat, it was no small feat ladies and gentlemen, by any sense of the word !  Not a completely seamless transition, the Cyber-Kid however was back up and running at 90% within a week and 100% by the second week - the new, leaner, FHQ is on the attack yet again boys and girls!  So what facilitated this impromptu move by the FNC?Simple - in a word - "logistics"... Well that and "diplomacy", OK two words.  "Logistics" and "Diplomacy" ... and "Rank".  OK three words:

"Logistics" - You see, the Cyber Kid and his awesome baby-making machine are in process and very close to completing another small humanoid.  This particular one a female model will of course require it's own domicile such as the first male version - Little Dudicus, aka Alex the Kid has

"Diplomacy" - Dawn (aka awesome baby maker) said she wanted to have a room for the small person, I diplomatically protested the move and subsequently we came to a reasonable solution (at least it seemed reasonable) - the solution was I & Jeremy (free-help aka lackey) would move the FUBARHQ and she would pick the color of the new room... HEYWE GOT SCREWED!  Oh wait, we didn't get screwed because I forgot the third word "Rank."

"Rank" - She outranks me, so it all makes sense now!?... :-( So I ("We."...  "Oh, sorry Goose, We" ) went through that fun endeavor this past quarter but don't worry it won't affect the quality of product you've all come to so richly deserve and expect.  H-E-double hockey sticks, you didn't know we moved, see how good we are here!?...

       So anyway, what else?  Oh yeah, the Cyber Kid, using much of the 401K money he "found", took Little Dude off for a 8 day whirlwind tour of the New York tri-state area (Stay tuned for all the pics!).  Here's a breakdown of highlights -  Met and received sage advice from Bill "Thrillseeker" M. (original FUBARian from the late 80's and the Jesse James FUBAR's empire!); saw an authentic New York Yankee game in the Bronx (they won 12-0 too!); Visited the American Museum of Natural History (Dinosaurs baby!), The Central Park Zoo (slept!); Toys R Us in Times Square (rode the Ferris Wheel!); and saw Spiderman in Midtown Manhattan... in the rain... running!?...  Also ate Black & White cookies, NY pizza, Carvel ice cream and visited with so many new cousins and family members it was crazy!  It was a great time and the Cyber Kid would love to thank everyone for their "donations" to make it all possible!  You guys are the best!

       In FUBAR Entertainment news, ATOMIC PUPPY, your favorite techno, club, psychedelic artist has hit yet another milestone this quarter - 50,000+ downloads.  This latest tally ranks ATOMIC PUPPY in the top 100 of 7300+ electronic and dance artists and 261st of 15,000+ artists in the United States on Music.Download.com for total downloads.  We'll be sure to continue to watch this artists slow climb to stardom (or some such!?...)

       So my faithful servants 'er we mean comrades and such,  it's been a pretty busy quarter for us here.  I'm sure there will only be more going's on at the FNC as softball season jumps into full swing and Jeff "E"rror E. and Dave "The Trap" M. go do what they do best on the diamond (that's right, gripe, groan and complain!... WHAT?  They cancelled the season!  DAMMIT!)  So sleep well my friends, sleep comfortably in the thought that the FNC will be maintaining it's vigil on the wall (because we're not playing softball), protecting your inalienable FUBAR rights (you actually don't have much of anything really) and it's continued investigation into the Jeff "E"rratic E's possible involvement in the abduction of the Coil Of Titanium... 

       So, until next quarter (approximately) when we bring you all the shock & awe you can handle!?...  This has again been your faithful reporter,

Dave "Cyber Kid" - CEO/Founder FUBAR's est.1989