Hello FUBARians.
I
hope the holidays and the end of the year 2000 treated you well? As many of you may or may not have heard, the
FUBAR News Corporation lost a dear member of it’s production staff. The MOBILE 23 laptop unit was stolen from an
Airborne Express depot in Texas. Of course
this unit contained top secret files and FNC immediately initiated its’ “Broken
Arrow” protocol to deal with the situation. Unfortunately,
this was to no avail and the unit has not been recovered as of Nov. 21st 2000. FNC
has issued a press statement and offered a substantial reward (to be paid by the FUBAR
Lost Crap Fund) for the return of the the unit. FUBAR
Management was livid over news of the theft and was immediately on the “RED”
phone trying to deal with the flood of calls by authorities and press agencies. “B-----ds” was all Dave
“Darth” M (FUBAR CEO/Founder) would say in a recent press conference.
In
light of the theft, the MOBILE 23 laptop manufacturer, after a month or so of FNC legal
action, had agreed to replace the lost unit and FNC was issued a new unit on Dec. 14th
2000. “This only begins to scratch the
surface on the subject” was comment from FUBAR Legal Consultant (FLC) Jeff “the
Captain” Engel, “There will be hell to pay is all we can say. So we got a new unit, big deal, still
doesn’t replace the sensitive material lost in the theft! That is where the real tragedy is…” Engel has stated that the criminals will be
brought to justice and when they do, “God have mercy on their soul…”
FUBAR
Captain and coach of the current FUBAR Softball Franchise (FSF) Mark
“Beastmaster” Avellino had this to say, “Well the kid [Moeder] always seems
to land on his feet. I’m sure he’ll
deal with the situation and come up with the best possible course of action.” When asked about the top-secret material, his
comment, “What's that? His porn? I’m sure he can re-acquire whatever he lost
the little pervert!”
So
the FNC has lost the MOBILE 23 Unit but has thus replaced it with a newer model dubbly
named “MOBILE FNC.” “This bad
boy can do everything the old one could and then some” was Moeder’s comment and
he also added, “This puppy will be handcuffed to whichever FNC agent carries it at
the time…someone wants it, they’re gonna have to take the arm with
it!…B-----DS!”
Needless to say FNC will of course come out of this
little dilemma with grace and victory as always. “You
can’t keep a good thing down” said Chris “Sticky Thumbs” Roth
So,
in light of all this what have we learned here, FNC says "Hey, get your crap stolen
and get new stuff!?..." So, on that note, that's about all the news that's fit
to print. Until next time, this has been once again your faithful reporter and servant...
The Cyber Kid |
