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Well kids,
we got it. The eyewitness that went "toe to toe" with the
creature known as "A.J." has been found. In a strange
twist in this developing story, Dave "The Cyber Kid" (FUBARS
CEO/Founder) called into the FUBAR Management office moments after press
time saying it was in fact himself that was charged by the A.J. In a
press statement, The Cyber Kid said, "I was following a lead we just
got about the sighting, so I hopped in the FUBAR-mobile and headed off to
investigate for myself. It sure did look like the elusive A.J., so I
stopped just a few yards from him and getting my camera ready, he charged
my vehicle. It was all I could to keep my grip on the camera and
prevent any serious injury. He was quite agile for such a lumbering
creature. I managed to grab a few shots during the exchange, but
unfortunately they are out of focus. I have the FNC Photographic
Forensic Team (FNC-PhForT) currently running a Basic Uni-Lateral
Lens Spectral High-Intensity Telemetry
test on the photo to clean it up. Utilizing the power of our state
of the art super-computers at FNC, we should know what it looks like in a
couple weeks. Hopefully putting everyone's minds at ease in this
matter. I know the A.J. It's not the vicious beast the public
has made it out to be; It's just confused. As modern western
civilization continues to build into his domain, it's only natural to run
across him more often as he is forced to relocate often. Hopefully,
as the construction and development begins to slow, he'll be able to find
an area safe from our big machines, vehicles and strange buildings and we
can all cohabit peacefully. So until next time, I Thank you for your
time."
There you
have it, straight from the boss. The Cyber Kid press release went on
to explain in further detail the BULLS**T test being preformed on his
photo which would analyze the photographic blur for motion, angle,
light-intensity, color analysis and then painstakingly, over some undetermined
amount of time, recreate the image as if it had not been blurred.
(Note: As of time of publishing, the FNC-PhForT has indeed deemed The
Cyber Kid's photo authentic, so it's just a matter of time.)
FNC phones
were again at peak fielding calls about the "Cyber Kid
incident." sighting and local law enforcement
officials are continuing to interview high to mid level FNC management for
further details. One mid-level FNC official said in a press release (It was
Jeff "Dude, I switched to diet" Engel) "An A.J. wow,
haven't seen one of them in what almost ten years. I used to hunt
them for sport until they became nearly extinct in the mid 90's. Man
would I love to hang one of those above my mantle. <polishing
gun> ... I mean if it was still legal and all... <click -
click> I mean I'd only shoot one now if it was legal of course,
or... self defense. Good thing it was The Cyber kid who ran across him and
not me, you'd have more than a picture to analyze I'll tell you
what!"
Below is the photo being analyzed by the FNC-PhForT. You can see the
beginning of the analysis at differing stages... |
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Well gang, as soon
as we get the photo completed from the
FNC-PhForT, we'll be sure to leave you entirely out of the loop and sell
it to the tabloids first! As for the torrid love affair between
Chris "Cy Young" Roth and himself? Well...you'll
just have to wait for the Sunday night made-for-TV movie to learn about
that little dysfunctional relationship!?
Other than that, stayed here for all your local late night news which will
air, in their entirety, after this program on some other channel.
Oh,
by the way, The FUBARHQ.com
has added a whole new page of ALEX photos, a new
Movie Review,
new FOTQ and various other crap... uh, we mean stuff - good
stuff. Lots and lots of good stuff.
So, Until next time, your somewhat faithful reporter -
Dave
"The Cyber Kid"
CEO/Founder
FUBAR's est.1989 |
