Hello my FUBARians. It's a brutal time at FUBAR HQ!?
It appears now that in addition to the dilemma of Jeff "Elusive" E going
"dark" and disappearing from FUBARHQ's watchful eye, the ever powerful "Coil
of Titanium" (the artifact procured by the FNC to thwart any possible
threat from Jeff and Mark "El Jefe-llino" to attempt a coup) has been
snatched as well! But by whom remains the unanswered question?
The FNC, feeling a bit invulnerable, had been resting comfortably knowing the Coil
was in their possession that was however, until a few weeks ago when the above picture and
those below were sent to the FNC <gasp!>
Captor #1 and Coil of Titanium
Captor #2 and Coil of Titanium
So what happened? How did this
unfortunate set of circumstances come to be? Well here at the FNC, we are certain that the sudden abduction of the Coil of
Titanium and the recent "disappearance" of Jeff are all too
coincidental. FNC had it's elite squad raid the primary home
and secondary compound of Jeff "E"missary and although didn't
actually find much of anything (except for the unusual amount of
Pringles, Spackle, DVD's and Girl Scout Cookies) they did come
across one key piece to this double-sided all one color puzzle - the
smoking gun if you will - a book! That's correct, we said
"book!" - Not the inordinate amount of munitions, fertilizer or
communist propaganda one would expect from such a nefarious creature, but a book.
However, it's not just any book mind you but a book published by
none other than our very own organization! <Dramatic Pause>
The tome in question is none other than the book mentioned (and seen
to the left here) last quarter and published in cooperation with
FUBAR Publishing - Espionage & Spying for FUBARS: All the Tips
and Tricks to Engage and Thwart Covert Operations. Key word
here - "Engage!?"
So what does this all mean for the FNC and FUBARHQ? "Honestly folks,
we just don't have an answer for you." said Dave "The Cyber Kid" at a
recent press conference concerning the fate of the FUBAR Megapire. He
went on to say; "You must know that this has all come as quite a shock to
us. First the organization was faced with a rogue agent and that
required many exhaustive hours and efforts by our staff to change all of our
security protocols; recoding and encrypting all of our organization's
"sensitive" documents. You know what I mean - the FOTQ files,
virtually unlimited amounts of Hall of Fame and FUBAR Player statistics and
commemorative photo's, blackmail and embezzlement paperwork on the Cyber
Kid, Unflattering photo's of various FUBARians we may use as leverage at a
later date and that's just for starter's. That doesn't include the
insurmountable amount of porn, that alone would overwhelm most large server
and data back-up facilities! It was an exhaustive and almost
impossible task, and I commend the men and women of the FUBARHQ and FNC
organizations for taking it all in stride. I mean it's not like
we were sitting around eating ice cream, watching "HEROES" and just handed
the Coil away! We were Hoodwinked ladies and gentlemen and I stand before
you a broken, shell of a man! ... OK, maybe not broken but it sucks
all the same. What with everyone always envious of your position,
trying whatever they can to usurp your authority and power. Savages,
every last one of them!" The Cyber Kid went on to blast everyone and
the Local government for his organization's current situation! That of
course was just prior to being dragging out of the press conference
screaming "You're all out to get me! All of you are just jealous!
And someone tell me where the %$#& Engel is!"...
Well FNC may be able to help the Cyber Kid with his last request.
Just in from our Covert Operations Headquarters, this photo is
believed to be a recent sighting of Jeff "E"lusive.
"The FUBAR Photo Lab will of course put this document through the
same rigorous tests and scrutiny they did during the A.J. sighting
investigation" one FUBAR official said to reporters. "We will
get to the bottom of this. We will find Jeff, that %$#&#
traitor and we will above all else secure the Coil of Titanium back
to it's rightful place here at FUBARHQ!" the unnamed official
(can we say "Gordo" kids?) went on to say. I guess we're
all going to have to wait and see how this one plays out?
believed to be Jeff in the "Red Sled" (more to come...)
So my faithful
comrades and subjects, more "drama" at the FUBAR
organization - Last quarters, the FUBARS were under the pressure of a possible threat
Jeff "E"spionage Engel going rogue and his recent meetings with Mark "Big Brother" Armadillo
just prior to his disappearance. This quarter, it's more of the same
only now, we have a missing artifact, a possible sighting of Jeff AND if
that's not enough, the Cyber Kid, it appears, is becoming paranoid
delusional!?... Where will it end folks? <dramatic voice> What
has fate in store for our beloved organization? Will they find Jeff?
Will find the ever powerful Coil? Will they thwart the mastermind
behind this seemingly, yet unknown evil plot? Find out next quarter...
same FUBAR Website, Same FUBAR time!?... <dramatic music>
So, until next quarter when we
bring you the exciting and hopeful conclusion to this unbelievable and
"non-stop" season of FUBARHQ! This has again been your faithful