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Super Secret World Domination Plan Map...


       Hello FUBARians and welcome once again to FUBAR News!  When we last left you back at the end of 1st quarter 2015, many were under the assumption that FUBAR CEO Dave “The Cyber Kid” and Former FUBAR Capt (and current COO) Mark “The Armadillo” were colluding for TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION.  Well, we are here at the FNC this quarter after painstakingly pursuing this story for the past 6 months to tell you, unequivocally, without a doubt and with the utmost certainty…  we’re not sure…yet!?  But wait, there’s more… 

So, go on, grab an Ice-Cold BEvERage – we’ll wait – sit down in your comfy chair while we tell you the whole story… or at least what we can infer!?... :o)


       So, we’ll start with the beginning of the 2nd quarter of the 25th Anniversary celebrations which saw the FUBAR CEO hanging out, AGAIN, with none other than “The A.J.!”  Now while this occurrence wouldn’t normally seem “suspicious”, the duo were spotted at a restaurant (Yes, it was Hooters) at the exact same table they met at a few months earlier AND – Yes!  In addition, they were being served by the exact same waitress that “The A.J.” was giving the Top Gun treatment too the first time!?  (Whatever that “treatment” actually means?  Note – The FNC actually called “The A.J.” and asked about his hand flying gestures and what you’d call it and he said it was just “Being Bad-@$$!” but to us it looked like “Tom-Cruise-Foolery?!” (Oh, AND YES, we own that word now too – Cuz’ it’s awesome!)) 

       So, anyway, back to the news… Now, on this occasion, while the dynamic duo were much more reserved (meaning they didn’t have to call underage non-BEvERage drinkers to come drive them home) the question on everyone’s thoughts was, what were they actually discussing?  Many (well mostly here at the FNC)  believe it ties into the “SECRET” FUBAR Upper Echelon weekend getaway w/ the Cyber Kid, Avocado and 3 other unknown but nefarious looking types?  (More on that later) 

       So moving on, “The A.J.” and the Cyber Kid completed their meeting, took obligatory photos w/ fans and went their separate ways.  However, FUBAR News has just discovered a phone log in which “The A.J.” has a phone call placed to former FUBAR Captain Mark “Armadillo?!”  The call was placed during the meeting between the Cyber Kid and “The A.J.”   When asked about the suspected call-log – “The A.J.” denies ever placing the call?  The FUBAR Investigative Team (FIT) is still looking into the origination of the call.


The A.J. and FUBAR Fan Chandler (Again?!)


       So, this leads us to our main story.  At the end of April The FUBAR CEO, utilizing a commercial aircraft, flew out to Black Rock Mountain Georgia and allegedly spent the weekend at a retreat with Avocado and three other men (these men are just now only know as Zoom, The Banker and The Lawyer.)

       Now, even more “just recently”, the FUBAR News Corp has acquired this photo of the quintet around what can only be described as a map of the modern world.  One FNC reporter stated about the picture – “As you can see, the map is complete and contains numerous “militant looking” miniatures. Now, based on previous, photos, reports and our own paranoi… ‘er um concrete investigative journalism, we can confirm that this map can only represent a plan for TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!  Obviously, the map and the military units contained on it clearly represent the legions of troops this “brain-trust” will command in their ultimate push for TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION.”


The Cyber Kid (playing w/ security camera), Avocado, The Lawyer, Banker (blurry) & Zoom...


       Here at the FNC, To ensure our intentions were not biased, we sent this photo to our FUBAR Psychological Photo Analysis Dept (FPPA) for a complete analytical breakdown.  The random psychologist we made up for this story had this to say about the photo; “Well, it’s clear looking at this picture that these five men have homo-erotic tendencies (not that there’s anything wrong with that) due to the fact that they are holed up in a cabin in the woods for three days with nary a female in site.  Now if that doesn’t scream Deliverance, I don’t know what does!?”  The FUBAR News Corp, then passed the photo to another completely fictitious psychologist at the FPPA with the following instruction – Do these men look like they are planning TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION? 

       That psychologist had this report presented to the FUBAR News Corp –

       “Yes, absolutely does it appear that these five men are planning a maniacal and bloodthirsty plot for TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!”  The report went on to further state; “It is clear in this photo that these men, looking at their jocular expressions and laissez-faire attitude towards the whole endeavor, have no respect for human life and they will acquire their goal by any means”.

(from left) Zoom, Cyber Kid, The Banker, Avocado and The Lawyer



       We, at the FNC, put this photo through further intense Facial Emotion Determination Software (FEDS) and we were able to ascertain the following assessments – (Clockwise from Left) –

- The man in foreground, known simply as “Zoom”, may be indifferent and/OR may have “roofee’d” one or more of the men in his company?

- The FUBAR CEO and Founder, Dave “The Cyber Kid” is way overdo for a haircut, shallow, and clearly insecure about himself

- The “shifty” looking fellow in the back center, known only as “The Banker”, may be the true mastermind of this scheme; FEDS determines this man to be angry and cynical and possesses a Napoleonic complex (probably due to his below average height?)

- Mark “Armadillo” is nervous, distant and according to FEDS – WAY TOO SOBER for the current hour…

- Finally, the jolly looking fellow with the “Cheshire cat” grin, known as “The LAWYER” is VERY happy to be there! (Like a dog that’s been invited to the table and given a treat!)  FEDS scores his emotion as either EXTREME happiness, or Gas!  Either way, that guy is ready to pop w/ emotion!?...

Anyway, feel free to peruse the additional pictures below of the FUBAR CEO & his co-conspirators the FNC was able to acquire of the STUD (Society of Total Uber Dorkiness) weekend.

Stocking up for what can only be a LONG conclave?... Engaging in some ritualistic behavior (Is that Russo's thigh?!) "Detterent Force"?  What can it mean?
The Banker And Zoom up to obviously NO GOOD! Let's see, Cyber Kid OR Zoom trying to eliminate competition? The "FOOTBALL" - Yup! We're ALL totally FUBARed!...

       So, there you have it folks; like Snowden and his leaked classified CIA documents or The Watergate Tapes OR Monica’s dress – UNDENIABLE PROOF of a conspiracy to commit TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!  So, as the FUBAR News continues to investigate and learn more about the three new faces in this ever growing story, we urge you to stay tuned and ask a lot of questions (But Don’t GOOGLE it!  Oh, and don’t ask Agent Scully, that chick has blinders on!?) 


       So, in other news, the FUBAR CEO/Founder was spotted making the rounds around the US as usual pushing his “VOTE FOR DAVE, GET FREE WINGS!” and “VOTE FOR DAVE, GET FREE BAIT!” campaigns, BUT new for 2015 the FUBAR Political Group has just revealed a new set of campaign posters – “VOTE FOR DAVE, GET FREE COMICS!”  When asked about the new push towards attracting the elusive “geek” and “dork” vote, the FUBAR Leader made this statement during a Comic Con; “I’ve been going to numerous Comic and Pop-Culture events for a number of years now and it was merely a natural evolution.  I see a need from the fans of these venues to have their voices heard and who better than yours truly?  I mean seriously,  I know the culture but, I’m freakin’ cool so, naturally, they’ll want to follow me!?... This is all off the record right?!”  (At that questions, our reporter (ironically wearing a red-shirt) quickly ducked into a passing crowd of Star Trek cosplayers and was never seen again…)  So, enjoy the following FNC exclusive posters for the “VOTE FOR DAVE, GET FREE COMICS!” campaign (and maybe a few others of the FUBAR CEO/Founder enjoying various other social events (like the Alamo City Comic Con) on your dues dollars…)

Yeah - "These" guys are innocent - THBBT!



So, now that’s done, enjoy these brand spanking new “VOTE FOR DAVE, GET FREE WINGS!” and “VOTE FOR DAVE, GET FREE BAIT!” campaign posters…


And just because we're only 13 months away from the general election and it's October (BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH - SAVE THE TATA's), the FUBAR Press Corp has decided to ramp things up with these four additional "Vote For Dave..." PINK campaign posters... (If you donate $1 to the Susan G. Koman Breast Cancer Fund, the FNC will email you a nice small .jpeg of these posters - suitable for framing of course!?)


       Well, that's it!  DON'T FORGET - The COMPLETE FUBARchives 2011 edition is still FREE! - Unlocking the FUBAR vaults, every FUBAR document in FUBARHQ and the FUBAR Press Corp. has been painstakingly recreated & scanned.  Unlike the FUBARchives newsletter anthology sent to select FUBAR's back in 2000 this collection contains ALL of those newsletters as well as NEVER BEFORE SEEN stats, rosters, receipts and photos!  Effectively - EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF PAPER we have pertaining to the FUBAR's!  DON'T FORGET - IT'S ENTIRELY FREE!!!  By clicking the link provided, you may begin to download any section or the entire FUBARchive!  So please - Enjoy!"



Also be sure to check out all the FUBAR Shenanigans on FUBARHQ Vimeo!





Also, be sure to come back next quarter when we explain this...


Yeah - I'm gonna own you one day...


and this "E"ngel Pic?!...




And this YouTube internet throwback...


Freeze!  Drop The Comics!



Be sure to visit the newest in the FUBAR Publishing News, the FUBAR Entertainment Group repertoire - CHEEKY MONKEY's photo blog/online journal.  UPDATED and sorted by year, the monkey has 10 albums and 2000+ captioned photos (Not to Mention the UN-CUT album - if you can find it!?  featuring OVER 1100+ pics of the monkey in the raw!?); The monkey is swingin'?...


"He Gets Around..."

And finally, here's yet another installment of WTF featuring some bar/restaurant signs...




       The Cyber Kid was asked to provide the D-Mobile III (aka "The Beast") for a couple episodes of the The Variants.  Always willing to lend a hand, the Cyber Kid took the reigns as vehicle stunt coordinator for the driving scenes as well as featured extra "Officer Handlebar" in the Season 2, Episode 1 premiere of The Variants! (Links are below)!  So, if you haven't seen it yet, be sure to watch Season's 1-3 on YouTube.com.

       The Variants follows the zany adventures of comic shop proprietor, Richard and his loyal band of store employees, Barry, Kelli, Joe and the elusive Vlad as the quartet (most of the time) find themselves in the most precarious of situations.  For more information about the show or to watch the episode click any of the respective links below -


Season 2 Episode 1

(My Scene starts at 6:40)

Season 3 Episode 7

(FUBAR CEO Dave's '77 Impala ("The BEAST") is featured prominently throughout the episode!)


Well gang, until next time, this has been your always loyal reporter  - Now go grab another BEvERage and remember you cannot un-see what you just saw?! - Enough FUBAR for ya?!...


Dave "Cyber Kid" - CEO/Founder FUBAR's est.1989


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